jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
