from now on my penis is your penis
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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