yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
