New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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