Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
