theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
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Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
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well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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