Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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