toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize