There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
