we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
