Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize