After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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