He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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