I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
