Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
