There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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