I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
