well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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