the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
