my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
