i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
