I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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