My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
