i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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