today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
