Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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