Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
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Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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