im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
