i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
