I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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