yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize