I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
