this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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