these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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