my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
as a side note pls kill me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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