You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
