My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
