I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
try to milk me bitch
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