Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
