Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
