It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
