why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
