Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
