best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize