Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He did a backflip because drugs
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
