Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
