It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
