in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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