i think my tv is drunk
I CAN MOONWALK!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
