We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
