why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I looked at my own cervix.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
