the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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