It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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