Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
