he puts the penis in happiness.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
