Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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