Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing