Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous