First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
being pregnant is like rehab
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.