i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
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So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.