Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Randomize
Follow @tfln