yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
